My Frigid Friend

My frigid friend may say, Goodbye
She wants to find an ugly guy
Who cannot count from one to ten;
She has been hurt by handsome mountain men.

Unless she gives a hug or kiss,
Unless she wears a fancy dress,
Her tummy won't be touching mine;
Her heart will be as hard as knotty pine.

My nails are clean, my hands are free;
No rich girls have looked up at me.
My frigid friend can check my van;
She won't find pot or pink pills in a can.

Because I am a mountaineer,
I will not wait another year;
I'll let her look for ugly men;
I won't ask her for hugs again.